Do you believe that good and bad are opposite? Do you believe that people can be evil (ugly)? Would you classify yourself as either good or bad or ugly? Well, maybe this pearl can help you sort that out and in the process help you out.
No, this pearl is not about a 1966 spaghetti western; it’s about how our genetic nature and our learned nurture—our personality—control how we react individually or in a group/mob.
Some Definitions:
Being good is “acting in a positive or desirable manner”; being bad is “wishing or causing harm, damage or loss; and being evil (ugly) is causing others misfortune, harm or death. But we need more realistic definitions to discuss this topic. Good: “I try to understand another’s contrary point of view and try to reach a compromise”. Bad: “I condemn another person’s contrary point of view and I’m unwilling to compromise. Ugly: I will do whatever it takes to destroy anybody or anything that stands in the way of getting what I want”. While we are at it, let’s define our integrity: “an adherence to a strict moral or ethical code; the condition of being honest with ourselves”; that is, our belief in the good in ourselves and others.
All people are similar, but with clashing opinions. It is not our opinion that is good, bad or ugly, it is the way we deal with others with an opposing opinion. We need to understand the other person’s opinion to free ourselves from this division. We cannot exits and prosper if we continue the way we have—it will destroy our society and eventually us. In general, most people think similar to us, but are so distressed about their lives that they need someone other than themselves to blame in order to deal with it. This makes them a prime target for ugly self-serving individuals, especially those with societal power, who create/expand this ugly division.
The Affect of Integrity:
But what if we could avoid thinking in right and wrong terms? What if we viewed others as just people whose personality and situation are different from ours? What if we considered our and their integrity in our discussions? Our integrity matures as we mature and in general we all want others to be happy, safe and succeed—most of our personality is designed to react that way or humans would be extinct by now (maybe soon?). But we live in a complex frightening world that is constantly confronting us and triggering our fear and anger, causing strife. Unfortunately, when fear or anger takes control of us it can momentarily nullify our integrity and our ability to be “good” and accept/respect our differences with others. Unfortunately, when those negative emotional reactions continue daily over months or years, they can reduce our integrity and what’s best for everybody, until something major in our lives snaps us back to it (we never lose our integrity, it is who we are). So now, let’s see what personality has to do with fear, anger and our integrity.
The Affect of Personality:
As noted in previous management pearls, human personality is rational and emotional, natured (genetic) and nurtured (learned). There are four basic emotions (anger, fear, joy and sorrow) triggered by our sensory system and quelled by our rational memories (director, analyzer, socializer and relater styles, respectively). Each basic emotion (residing in the amygdala) has a purpose, as does each of their symbiotic rational styles (residing in the frontal lobes). There are also many rational emotions, triggered by rational memories that have much to do with the dread and hatred experienced today. The rational triggering of our anger and fear can be manipulated by ugly individuals/groups causing the strife we experience today.
The natural purpose of anger is to alert us to confrontation/attack and the purpose of the director style is to sort out and quell that anger—and if not quelled it can elevate to hatred/rage. The natural purpose of fear is to alert us to danger and the purpose of the analyzer style is to sort out and quell that fear—and if not quelled it can elevate to terror/dread. Natural anger and fear (triggered by our sensory system) are positive because they help us to physically survive—their evolutionary purpose. Rational anger and fear are triggered by negative rational thoughts. The “ugly” self-serving individuals/groups try to trigger our rational anger and fear to get what they want out of us. These individuals/groups cause the terror/dread and hatred/rage that we see played out today. They manipulate the world around them to their advantage no matter who gets harmed or killed. Every individual/group is justified in fighting for what they feel is good/right and we should respect them for that. But it is very difficult to respect the point of view of greedy self-serving ugly individuals/groups out for power and wealth no matter whom they harm/kill. We can try to communicate with them, but we need to realize that they are going to use our fears and anger to manipulate us to get what they want under the guise of helping us—to avoid this we must maintain your integrity.
The Strong Affect of Intentions:
In order to understand why people react in a good, bad or ugly manner, we need to understand how their brain processes and whether their intentions are negative/harmful or positive/helpful. The anger of strong directors (those strongest in the director style) is the cause of most of the strife in life. Some people call it “our dark side”, and that is correct, but only if we have negative intentions. This is opposite to the positive intentions of strong relators (those strongest in the relator style). When we use our director style it doesn’t make us bad or ugly—we are just trying to get things done (the purpose of the director style). And don’t forget, we all use our director style to get things done, although strong directors are driven to get more done than most.
Our director style has three motivations that control our thinking when using it: 1) Only my concerns matter, not those of others; 2) Only my opinions matter, not the contrary opinions of others; 3) I must be decisive, whether my decisions are constructive or not. This is opposite to strong relator style's purpose “to stay connected to others”, with its others-serving motivations: 1) Only other's needs matter; 2) Only other's opinions matter; 3) I must be indecisive or I might offend others. Whether weak or strong in any style, when using it we can only think that style’s way—we don’t have a choice—it is wired into our brain. Fortunately we usually break out of the grip of anger and director style thinking if we quell the anger and move on. But if we can’t quell it, because the rational cause of the anger is so great, we will be stuck in that mode of thinking and being self-serving until the anger is quelled. And when our intentions are negative that unquellable anger can elevate to hatred/rage making us cause/wish others to be harmed/dead. This is the ugly hate that causes religious wars (against those who don’t believe what we believe) and racism (against those who don't look like us).
Important! Just because we are born a strong director with its anger and self-serving motivations, it doesn’t mean that we are bad or ugly; it just gives us the potential to act that way when distressed and enraged. When a strong director is also a weak relator, they have an even greater challenge not to be bad or ugly. And if throughout life strong directors feel constantly attacked (physically or verbally) or confronted (demeaned), it is very difficult to quell that destructive, ever-present anger. Most of the destructive (maybe even evil) people you experience are genetically strong directors and weak relators with very negative nurturing (life experiences). Hitler was the definition of this disaster of nature and nurture that made him ugly, even evil, and there are too many individuals in power today that act a lot like him.
The affect of the Hatred/Rage Cycle:
Most of the people in the world are more others-serving than self-serving, even strong directors. They don’t let their fear and anger rule their lives and disconnect them from those around them—they have positive intentions—they maintain their integrity—they use all four styles appropriately. But this isn’t easy, especially when their rational fear triggers rational anger. Yes, we can quell our sensorially triggered natural fear and natural anger with our rational thoughts, but we can’t simultaneously use our rational mind to quell our rational anger unless distracted from those negative thoughts. Here’s how it works: fear and negative rational thoughts trigger anger, which trigger more fear and negative rational thoughts, which triggers stronger anger—and the cycle repeats over and over, elevating to hatred and uncontrollable rage. As individuals we (or others) can usually snap us out of this vicious cycle, allowing its intensity to subside. But when in a group/mob that shares the same fear and rage, that cycle is perpetuated—it can’t subside—quite the opposite. Each person triggers another cycle in those around them maintaining or elevating that hatred to rage. The rage only subsides when a few individuals in the mob (weaker directors), realize that things are getting way out of control, or when a stronger force (army/cops) intervenes. Typically, an ugly self-serving director incites the mob, mostly made up of strong-director/weak-relator individuals, causing never-ending rage cycles. It is possible for an individual to realize the tolerable limits of their increasing anger and to quell it—but this is difficult for a mob to do, especially when spurred on by the ugly in power.
A Closer Look:
But what is the cause of this rage? It is when we are triggered to believe that something is attacking the life we wish to lead (which is the purpose of anger). Sometimes the anger is justified when we are unfairly or badly treated and feel a strong need to confront that situation. Sometimes the fear and the anger are based on falsehoods/lies that we mistakenly take as truth and feel a strong need to confront, because it seems to support what we need to believe at the time. It is natural to become terrified or enraged when we feel that our lives/livelihood are physically, socially or financially threatened. And it is natural to gravitate towards others who perceive the same threat. It is even natural to think that others who believe otherwise are the enemy. But when this happens, we are being controlled by irrational emotions and need to quell them and try to understand all sides of the issue and compromise on a result that works for most, if not all. Step one…take a deep breath!
How to Alleviate our Hatred/Rage:
Four decades ago I attended a seminar that included “stepping outside ourselves to understand another person’s opinion”, without interruption. Sitting next to me at the seminar was an evangelical southerner who quoted the bible when discussing his opinions. At the time I was very anti god stuff and hated what he represented and to have to even listen to him. That evening a group of us walked to a restaurant a half-mile away—of course he walked next to me. As we walked and he spoke I decided to “step outside myself” and just hear his comments without instantly interpreting or interrupting them with my own opinions—not easy to do. While listening I concentrated on his beliefs/opinions as being reasonable for him, even sharing some. I spoke of my positive and negative experiences with religion and what I call the “Universal Intelligence (UI)”, which he also listened to without interruption. By the end of that evening we sincerely appreciated each other’s point of view as friends and he was very interested in the UI and I was more tolerant of his religious opinions. People don’t have completely opposite opinions from others; we all share some opinions, which helps to make them more, than less, like us. “Stepping outside ourselves” does work if we can stop the hatred and give each other enough respect to state our opinions without judgment, finding that we’re really not that different—try it, you’ll love it.
How you Rate Yourself:
Finally, ask yourself: Do I maintain my integrity when angered? Am I a good person who tries to understand others whose opinions seem opposite to mine and try to compromise with them? Am I a bad person who doesn’t care about others who don’t think, look and act the way I do and condemn them for it? Am I an ugly person who takes advantage of others to get what I want out of life no matter who is harmed, by spreading lies, fear and hatred? The choice is yours to build a better you, a better country/world for everybody—or to destroy it because you can’t stop whining about your problems. In case you haven’t noticed, the UI or God rewards others-serving individuals and penalizes self-serving individuals, even those who seem to have gained wealth and power—you can feel it about your fellow man who needs your help.
See the attached a PDF containing a succinct explanation of “Genetic Human Personality”.
For your convenience, see an attached PDF of this entire discussion.
If you want to learn more about your interactions with others, refer to "Personality Finesse...how we nurture our nature".
