Do you find it difficult to deal with excessively joyful or manic people? Do you find it difficult to get your tasks done when you are excessively joyful? If so, maybe this pearl can help calm that uncontrollable joy so that something else can be accomplished.
Welcome to the final part of this five-part series, which deals with calming down manic people. Joyful people (socializers) are usually wonderful to be around because they are entertaining, positive and make us happy. But excessively joyful (manic) people can be difficult to be with, especially when you need their attention and can’t get it because they are so distracted. That excessive joy is also why their necessary tasks don’t get completed—this also applies to you when you are excessively joyful. Usually you can get their attention, but when their joy emotion is extreme it is very difficult to rationally interact with them. This pearl is especially helpful if you or your mate is a genetically strong joyful socializer and a genetically weak fearful analyzer.
What causes Joy and Mania?
The right amygdala stores our joy memories. Sensory input triggers these joy memories (in 50 ms) along with sensory memories in the sensory cortex (in 100 ms)—these sensory memories also trigger related socializer memories in the right frontal cortex. When joy is triggered, the amygdala wipes the pre-frontal cortex (PFC) clear of what it is presently dealing with and scans those socializer memories to find the reason for the joy (in 500 ms). If not found, new sensory input will re-trigger the amygdala and other socializer memories to sort it out. But if that joy is rationally re-triggered by related strong socializer memories, it can elevate towards mania. The problem with excessive joy is that it mentally and physically distracts us, making us barely able to concentrate or to meaningful interact with others.
The evolutionary purpose of the joy emotion is: to alert us to our possible connections. The evolutionary purpose of the socializer style’s memories (in the right frontal cortex) is: to interact with our positive connections and to avoid our negative connections. Genetically strong socializers have an overly excitable joy emotion and can find a connection in almost anything—that joy is erroneous when we think that something is a connection when it isn’t, which instantly quells that joy. Joy can elevate to mania when the perceived connection is very negative and to be avoided at all costs or when the perceived connection very positive and must be interacted with. The bottom line for overly joyous or manic people is to enjoy their joy, but help them to calm down if it creates a total lack of self control. And once you calm them down they can become productive again and get their necessary tasks completed.
When joyful, we only use the socializer style’s rational memories, which are governed by the following three socializer motivations:
1) To pursue pleasure and advantage 2) To be unconstrained 3) To trust most situations
These motivations cause us to interact with our positive connections and avoid our negative connections. When the joyful/manic person is a strong socializer (which is typically the case) there are many socializer memories to support/prolong that joy/mania and it is difficult to get their attention and get anything done. If the joyful person is genetically a weak socializer these motivations are weaker because there are fewer socializer memories to support/prolong it, making them easier to bring down (especially if that person is a strong analyzer with totally opposite motivations).
Calming an Excessively Joyful/Manic person:
When the emotional brain is firing too quickly it will continue wiping out any rational use of the PFC to deal with that positive or negative joy. And more typically, if that joy is rationally re-triggered with socializer memories about that positive or negative connection it can elevate to mania. It is your job to help that person to get back rational (PFC) control. To do that you need to sequentially calm them using the following procedure to “step outside yourself” and make it only about them, never about you:
1) While looking them straight in the eye at their eye level, ask them to “please take a deep breath” as you also take a deep breath. This distraction should calm them and you a little and will reduce the physical distress from shallow breathing.
2) Clear your mind of any opinions or rational emotions about that situation. Look into their eyes and carefully ask them why they are so excited and allow their PFC to find the reason for their excessive joy and quell it a little.
3) Only focus on what the other person is saying to discover the cause of their excessive joy. Fully hear that person out (saying nothing) no matter how long it takes, to allow them to gain more control.
4) Wait at least five seconds after they are done speaking to make any supportive comments—don’t be judgmental (stay outside of yourself). This will calm them a little more.
2) Clear your mind of any opinions or rational emotions about that situation. Look into their eyes and carefully ask them why they are so excited and allow their PFC to find the reason for their excessive joy and quell it a little.
3) Only focus on what the other person is saying to discover the cause of their excessive joy. Fully hear that person out (saying nothing) no matter how long it takes, to allow them to gain more control.
4) Wait at least five seconds after they are done speaking to make any supportive comments—don’t be judgmental (stay outside of yourself). This will calm them a little more.
5) Then, stop talking and while looking them in the eyes allow them to say anything else—without prompting or commenting on it—simply wait for them to shut up and calm down.
There are a lot of steps to remember here, but most of the time you can calm then using only steps 1), 2), 3), since steps 4) and 5) are automatic—just wait until they are tired of talking.
Calming Yourself when you are Manic—Not easy to do:
1) Take a deep breath and concentrate on that breath; take another if necessary.
2) Ask yourself why that positive or negative connection excites you so much.
3) Take another deep breath.
4) Interact with a positive connection, allowing them to talk; don't dominate the conversation.
5) Avoid a negative connection and think of something positive about them to calm you down.
Throughout this sequence you are allowing an overly excited person to calm down little by little to release their PFC from joy’s emotional control so that they can get back to reality. Hopefully, they will have an understanding of what causes that positive or negative joy and can deal with it now and possibly in the future.
I hope that this five-part series has helped you to understand how to deal with emotionally distraught people, including yourself, to gain composure and move on.
