Dr. Dean C. BellaviaThe Bio-Engineering Co.
Do you have "That Caring Feeling"?
Do you tear up when experiencing the misfortune of others? Do you express sorrow when experiencing the good fortune of others? Well, maybe this pearl can help you to understand what “That Caring Feeling” is, what causes it and how it might help you to experience more love in your life.
Who Cares? Well, maybe you should! “That Caring Feeling” is a proof that we are capable of caring. It is that welling up tearful feeling that we get when experiencing caring for others—it is the humanity that bonds us all. You probably experience it daily, but may not realize it. “That Caring Feeling” stems from our people-related relator style and its sorrow symbiotic emotion.
Definitions
The dictionary defines “caring” as: feeling and exhibiting concern (compassion) and empathy for others. As far as “That Caring Feeling” is concerned the emotional feeling part applies, but the empathy and compassion parts do not. Empathy and compassion are rational emotions triggered by our brain’s rational memories while “That Caring Feeling" is purely emotional, triggered by our amygdala’s sorrow memories, which we have little control over. Rationally understanding someone’s situation is not the same as emotionally experiencing someone’s situation.
What is “That Caring Feeling”?
I have tried to figure out for decades why I felt sorrow for someone’s good fortune. I thought like most people that I should feel joy when witnessing someone’s good fortune and feel sad when witnessing someone’s misfortune, but that’s not what happens with “That Caring Feeling”. We experience “That Caring Feeling” when witnessing any situation or any entity (including ourselves), actually caring about something. When we sense others caring about themselves or others it triggers the amygdala’s sorrow emotion. The sorrow triggered doesn’t care whether it is a happy or sad situation, that’s the relator style’s job to figure that out. It’s sort of like when the joy emotion is triggered by either a negative or positive connection, which the socializer memories have to figure out.
Again, when we are experiencing someone’s love or sorrow for another, we experience the same feeling of sorrow, but without the pain (loss) of sorrow. This is the essence of “That Caring Feeling”—the fact that we care at all. This is also probably why we “cry tears of sorrow” when experiencing someone’s misfortune and “cry tears of joy” when experiencing someone’s good fortune or love for another. But for “That Caring Feeling” to occur, our sensory, sorrow and relator memories have to exist in our brain. After the relator memories sort out the reason for the sorrow a new set of sensory/emotional/relator memories are stored in our brain. And the more of these experiences that we have the higher the probability of having “That Caring Feeling” in the future. In essence, “That Caring Feeling” is a test for the strength of our sorrow and thus the strength of our relator style and the ability to express bonding love with others.
When we are NOT weak in sorrow and the relator style we possess many sets of sensory/sorrow/relator memories that trigger “That Caring Feeling”. When we possess few of these sets of memories it is difficult to care. As you know, our director and relator styles are completely opposite, making us doubly strong or weak when both strong in one and weak in the other. Thus, it will take much longer to develop “That Caring Feeling” (it took me 50 years) when we are a strong angry/director and a weak sorrowful/relator. Fortunately, we can experience “That Caring Feeling” once we allow ourselves to amass enough sets of sensory/sorrow/relator memories. But to do that we need to get past our self-serving life and accept the fact that others are just as important as we think we are—we are all just trying to lead the best life we can with what we have to work with and out genetic personality has a lot to do with it.
Examples of having “That Caring Feeling”
When YOU are caring about yourself or others:
► you can experience those “tears of sorrow” when you care about your own misfortune.
► you can experience those “tears of joy” when you care about your own good fortune or love of others.
► you can experience it when you notice that someone cares about you and tries to help you.
► and of course, you experience it when you truly care about the misfortune or good fortune of another.
When OTHERS are caring about themselves or others:
► they might experience it when they sense someone reacting to his or her own misfortune.
► they might experience it when they sense someone caring about his or her own good fortune or showing love.
► they might experience it when they sense someone helping another.
► they might experience it when they witness many others helping in an emergency—think about how you felt watching 9-11 happen or when you experience first responder’s reactions.
► they might experience it when they witness someone being helped by another—making you want to help too.
► they might experience it whenever they emotionally react with sorrow!
When someone is NOT sincerely caring:
► you won’t experience it when someone falsely cares about another.
► That Caring Feeling is a wonderful tool to test the sincerity of others (and yourself)
► if you are watching a movie, show, etc., and you don’t get that caring feeling when you should, it means that the actors aren’t very good and/or just don’t care and/or your caring feeling could be stronger.
You probably experience “That Caring Feeling” more than you realize—and the more you recognize that you are experiencing it the stronger “Your Caring Feeling” will become along with its loving relator benefits.
I hope that by understanding and strengthening “Your Caring Feeling” that it will allow you to become a more positive part of our humanity and experience more love in your life.
Human Communication, Part-1, ListeningDo you find communicating with others difficult? Do you or do those close to you have physical difficulties or habits that make your conversations annoying or argumentative? If so, maybe this pearl series can help you to better communicate with others, avoiding frustration and arguments.
Verbal human communication includes both listening and speaking. Part-1 of this two-part series will deal with the listening aspect of communication. Part-2 will deal with the speaking aspect of communication with an emphasis on asking and answering questions and avoiding arguments. This two-part series will lead into a five-part series—“Dealing with Emotionally Distraught People”.
Human Communication:
Mammal communication became possible about 45 million years ago with the development of the rational brain (frontal cortices)—for social survival. Up until then the 200 million year old mammalian (emotional) brain only provided mammals with the possibility of physical survival. Human communication started less than a million years ago with the evolution of Homo sapiens. To survive, humans needed to become the diner instead of the dinner in a world full of more physically endowed predators. Humans eventually learned to work together to survive and human communication allowed this to occur. It started with the dominant human males grunting and using body language, which later developed into language used by females in their daily gossip (the news media of the time). Spoken language later developed into the verbal and written languages we use today. But in this series we will focus on verbal rational communication through listening and speaking in such a manner as to avoid emotional arguments.
Listening under Difficult Conditions:
Listening is not easy for many reasons, especially under difficult conditions. We assume that everybody is automatically tuned into what we are about to say—they aren't. We assume that others have memories to understand what we are saying—they might not. And we need to actually hear what others are saying—which is difficult if the listener is hearing impaired or the speaker tends to mumble or have a strong accent. Ambient noise can also make listening difficult—and shouting may not help. Even when devoid of these difficult conditions we may not hear all of what was said.
When we are already involved in a conversation on a topic that we have memories about the conversation can flow smoothly. But when someone blurts out something to us, we are usually thinking about something else and don’t hear the first few words spoken. And when blurted out under difficult listening conditions we may only hear a word or two. Thus, we must figure out what the speaker is talking about from the circumstances and from what little we heard. Sometimes we respond appropriately, but sometimes we can’t and end up saying “what”—which can become very annoying and lead to arguments when there are listening difficulties . Thus for better communication, a hearing impaired listener needs to quickly focus on the speaker once they hear the first word—mumbling speakers need to articulate and speak up, especially in a noisy environment or if they have a strong accent. In any case, both speaker and listener can and should avoid the miscommunication and frustration that leads to arguments.
Our Rational Styles affect our ability to effectively Listen and Speak:
It should be emphasized that when we use a rational style—whether we are strong or weak in it—we listen and speak in a specific manner to attain the purpose of that style—our brains are wired that way for those four rational styles.
Our rational styles affect the way we Listen:
When listening with our Director Style:
Our purpose is: “to attain immediate results” and we listen to confirm our opinions—opinions that we used to decide what to do so we can move on, but may cause an argument if we can't.
When listening with our Socializer Style:
Our purpose is: “to identify and interact with our positive connections”—and when interacting, we only listening long enough to be able to respond and dominate the conversation, which may lead to an argument if the other person can't respond.
When listening with our Analyzer Style:
Our purpose is: “to unerringly proceed” and we listen to understand the details of the subject—so that we can safely and appropriately react, which can cause a misunderstanding/argument if we become frustrated from insufficient detail.
When listening with our Relator Style:
Our purpose is: “to stay connected to or reconnect with others” and we listen to remember the personal details about others—making them feel important, acknowledged and bonded to us, which avoids arguments.
Our rational styles affect the way we Speak:
Just like when listening, each rational style, whether we are strong or weak in it, has its own automatic way of speaking. Thus when listening, it is helpful to appreciate how a person speaks with a particular style, in order to better understand what they are saying and why. Again, their speech automatically supports the purpose of the rational style they are using.
When speaking with our Director Style:
“to attain immediate results”—we speak in a concise, definitive and rhetorical manner—so that we can quickly address the issue and move on. When conversing with our director style the probability of an argument is high.
When speaking with our Socializer Style:
“to identify and interact with our positive connections”—we speak in an enthusiastic, exaggerative and random manner, branching from topic to topic—to prolong the conversation. When conversing with our socializer style the probability of an argument is low.
When speaking with our Analyzer Style:
“to unerringly proceed”—we speak in a detailed, logical, stepwise, hedging manner—to safely address the issue without fully committing to that opinion. When conversing with our analyzer style the probability of an argument is not necessarily low.
When speaking with our Relator Style:
“to stay connected to or reconnect with others”—we don’t speak much, but when we do we speak in an indirect, inoffensive manner—to avoid disconnection. When conversing with our relator style the probability of an argument is very low.
In Summary:
Effective listening helps us to better understand what someone is trying to communicate to us. Effective listening isn’t easy, even when difficult listening conditions don’t exist, but it is important to effectively listen to avoid starting an argument. The goal of effective listening (other than understanding what was said) is to respond appropriately and avoid misunderstandings and arguments. Thus by understanding why and how we listen and speak while using a rational style, we can better avoid emotional arguments. Unfortunately, negative emotional memories can trigger an argument, which will continue until we can get past that emotional outburst and become rational again—shutting up for a moment helps—rationalizing that we are right doesn't help.
I hope that Part-1 of this two-part series was helpful and that you can now appreciate how to better listen. The final pearl of this series: "Human Communication, Part-2, Speaking" will discuss how to avoid arguments by appropriately responding to the questions asked.
TC STATS-WCB-OBS Control Spreadsheet
Do you collect monthly TC statistics to maximize your new patient starts? Do you have control of your Will-Call-Back (WCB) new patients, making sure that they start? Do you have control of your OBS-Recall patients, making sure that they start and don’t get lost? If not, maybe this pearl can help you gain that control with an all-in-one Excel monthly spreadsheet.
A Little History:
Over the past 50 years there were many changes to the systems in the TC program. Refer to this link for a better understanding:
Also refer to the following link for a program for keeping your Recall patients from getting lost:
The purpose of the TC position is to:
1) Assist the doctor in providing a comprehensive New Patient Exam/consult
2) To educate the patient/family as to the benefits of treatment in your office
3) To inspire the patient/family to start treatment in your office
4) To control all steps/appointments from the New Patient Exam to the Start Date, whether they start next week or in the future
5) To maximize future starts by controlling all OBS-Recall patients, to make sure that they start
6) To control all Ph-I retention Recall patients to make sure that they start Ph-II treatment
7) To go after all Will-Call-Back (WCB) patients and make sure that they start
Up till now, to achieve all of this the TC used various information collection forms: Monthly Exam/Consult Statistics forms, Monthly OBS-Recall Control Statistics forms, Follow-Up Phone Logs and a WCB control program—a lot of paperwork. Today all of this can be incorporated into a yearly set of Monthly Excel spreadsheets. You will need a separate Excel file (each with a set of 13 spreadsheets) for each office/doctor, for each year. Thus, if you have one office and one or more doctors, you only need one yearly set of spreadsheets. If you have one or more doctors and three offices, you will need three yearly sets of spreadsheets, one for each office.
Set up and use your new TC Spreadsheet to take control of your new patients and get them started:
1) Download the attached PDF "STATS-WCB-OBS_TC_Excel_Control.pdf", print out a copy or two for reference and save the PDF in a "TC Control" directory (file).
2) Download the attached ORIGINAL Excel file (TC_STATS-WCB-OBS_Control_ORIGINAL.xls) and save it in a "TC Control" directory (file).
3) For each office, save other copies as "TC_STATS-WCB-OBS_Control,_2023, OFFICE.xls", indicating which office it is used for.
4) Fill in the "Practice" tab data for each set of monthly spreadsheets for each office.
5) Make sure that the TC knows how to use that file or that someone helping her [receptionist or bookkeeper] knows how to use it. Study the WCB program PDF, referring to the monthly spreadsheets to get used to the system.
6) Fill in the New Patient Exam data (columns on the left) and whether the patient is WCB or not.
7) If the patient is WCB use your printed "STATS-WCB-OBS_TC_Excel_Control.pdf" to follow up on them, documenting that WCB control on your spreadsheet until you get the patient started.
8) Also use the spreadsheets and start gaining control of your Tx Consults (if you do them).
9) Also use the spreadsheets and start gaining control of your OBS-Recall patients and keep them from getting lost.
Start using this system ASAP with your TC and staff to stop losing those new patients that you worked so hard to attract.
Making Prioritized Decisions
Do you make quick decisions or put off making decisions? Do you prioritize the factors involved and use the most effective method to decide how to resolve your problems or attain your goals? If interested in making better decisions check this out.
Every decision we make is based on our rational and emotional memories that pertain to that situation. Unfortunately too high a percentage of our decisions are based on emotional memories rather than rational memories, creating problems. Important decisions should be based much more on rational memories than on emotional memories.
Most daily decisions are automatic, like when to wake up or sleep, when and what to eat, etc. But new decisions require more thought before making them. Decision-making like personality, involves both nature (genetics) and nurture (learned memories). Genetic Fun Fact-1: Right-brain people strongest in the director or socializer style are quick decision makers who frequently revise their decisions. Genetic Fun Fact-2: Left-brain people strongest in the analyzer or relator style are slow decision makers and frequently leave new decision making to others. Memory-wise, anyone can learn how to make better decisions, whether right-brained or left-brained, to better resolve their problems or attain their goals.
Prioritized Decision Making:
All decisions have factors that need to be prioritized in importance (1st, 2nd, etc.) to effectively resolve the situation. Sometimes you need to not only prioritize these main factors that resolve the situation, but also the main factors that caused the situation. All too often the goal is not attained or the problem not effectively resolved because the priority of the factors are erroneous or missing. And sometimes a main factor cannot be attained or resolved until its prioritized sub-factors are. This is a lot to consider when making important decisions to resolve problems or attain goals. For an example of all of this considder the goal: “to have an efficient, effective daily schedule.”
The main factors are: your staffing, your treatment facility/equipment, your treatment sequences and your patients’ cooperation. But which of these factors are the most important? Typically the priority is: 1st your staffing, 2nd your treatment facility/equipment, 3rd your treatment sequences, and 4th your patients’ cooperation, all of which seems reasonable. But, your schedule is composed of numerous types and amounts of Tx Appointments that provide your patients’ treatments. Thus, accurate Tx sequences (of DR & DA Tx times) should be the most (1st) important factor. Your staff must know how to provide those Tx sequences to run your daily schedule, so that should be the 2nd most important factor. Your facility/equipment needs to be able to handle your daily patient load so that should be the 3rd most important factor. Finally, the management of your patient’s non-cooperation (lateness, missed appointments, SOS and emergencies, etc.) is the 4th factor. And to resolve each of these prioritized main factors you may have sub-factors to resolve. For example, the staffing main factor can have the sub-factors: 1st organize them into positions, 2nd hire new staff if needed, 3rd train new staff or retrain your present staff. Your facility main factor may also have sub-factors: 1st its adequacy, 2nd its layout, 3rd new equipment needed, etc. Bottom line, you need to resolve every sub-factor before you can resolve a main factor to attain your prioritized goal “To have an efficient, effective daily schedule.”
Moving on:
In certain situations, assigning a priority (1st, 2nd etc.) to a factor may seem obvious, but not necessarily. If one factor is overwhelmingly important it is obviously 1st, but it is important to know how the other factors affect that 1st factor. For example, if the problem is: “I don’t have enough Tx chairs to treat my patients”, then the obvious 1st factor resolution is to buy another chair/unit. But there are other factors that make that solution more complex: “Can I afford the chair/unit?” or “Do I have enough space to fit the chair/unit?” If you have the money and space than these factors are minor and you can just buy and install the chair/unit—problem solved. But, if you don’t have the money or the space, they become the 1st and 2nd most important factors to resolve. If you have adequate space and can get an equipment loan, then money is not a significant factor—problem solved. But if you don’t have the space (making it 1st) then an equipment loan doesn’t matter. If you can afford to refurbish the facility (with a construction loan), than the space is not a significant factor—problem solved—buy the chair/unit as part of the refurbishing. But if you can’t afford any reconstruction you can’t resolve this problem—yet.
This introduces another important factor; “can I grow my practice” (i.e., marketing and starting more patients) to pay for those loans—thus practice growth now becomes the 1st factor with all other factors next in priority—this creates a many factored problem to resolve (illustrated in the example below).
Making Prioritized Decisions about Health:
We all are human and thus have physical maladies from time to time, creating the situation, “How to get over my illness?” There are factors that cause the situation (illness) and factors that resolve the situation. Prioritizing the many factors that cause and resolve an illness can be difficult and sometimes seem impossible. I have found that if I first prioritize the cause factors and then prioritize the resolving factors that I have 80% of its resolution—unfortunately, that prioritizing can change with time.
A Real Life Health Example: Like most of you, I have dealt with lower back pain most of my life, forcing me to investigate the many factors involved in causing and resolving that pain. The factors causing the lower back pain might include: occupation, lifestyle, disease, sports, injuries, sitting/sleeping habits, etc. The factors that can remedy the lower back pain might include: painkillers (ingested, injected or topical), a lifestyle/job change, chiropractic adjustment, stretching exercises, bio-magnetism, trigger-point massage, acupuncture and spinal surgery. Sometimes it is difficult or impossible to resolve all of the causes of pain (like occupation or past injuries), requiring you to seek remedies that allow you to live with some level of pain.
Once you have prioritized resolvable causes you need to prioritize the remedies. Depending on what you have tried in the past, you might assign painkillers as 1st, chiropractic as 2nd, stretching exercises as 3rd, lifestyle changes 4th, bio-magnetic therapy 5th, trigger-point massage 6th and spinal surgery 7th. Using only the 1st, 2nd and 3rd prioritized remedies (that work for you) might help at first, but it may not reduce the pain enough. When this happens you need to try other remedies to resolve your lower back pain as it occurs. Once you have identified all of your remedies you have a choice of what to use as your pain increases starting with your high priority remedies and continuing down the list until one of them works.
Aging considerations—the factors that cause your lower back pain change as you get older and all of the possible factors need to be re-prioritized as you age. I was a gymnast for eight years and had the usual spinal injuries, making me try every remedy possible to relieve my lower back pain. At first it was the old crack-the-back chiropractic adjustment once or twice a month for 28 years, which momentarily relieved the pain, but didn’t resolve the cause of the pain. I later tried trigger-point massage, lower back stretching exercises and bio-magnets, which significantly reduced the pain for a decade until lumbar spinal stenosis set in. The lumbar stenosis caused intense lumbar pain that was 85% resolved by sophisticated new-age chiropractic adjustments. I still have manageable lower back pain mostly caused by the way I sleep, or sit too long like driving long distances. My present priorities to reduce these causes are: 1st don’t seep on my left side, 2nd don’t sit too long. My present remedy priorities to reduce my lower back pain are: 1st sleep on my right side or back, 2nd do weekly self-chiropractic adjustments and bimonthly chiropractor adjustments, 3rd use bio-magnetic therapy, 4th use trigger-point therapy with a “massage-gun”, 5th use Voltaren ointment, and 6th do daily stretching exercises. In the future a remedyI might be spinal lumbar surgery, but that I will resist. Bottom line: update and reprioritize the causes and remedies of your lower back pain as you age.
Making Prioritized Decisions about Livelihood, Companionship, etc.:
Some of us inherit or win money, but most of us have to work to earn the money needed to pay for our desired lifestyle. The 1st factor is what kind of work do you really want to do? The sub-factors may include: your skills, your work ethic, your education, your passions, who you know, how long you are willing to take other jobs until to end up with the job you want, etc. The 2nd, 3rd, etc., factors might include: how much money do I need to make, where I want to work (company, city, etc.), family factors, etc. Some of us believe in karma and allow it to guide our decisions, but most of us at least have an inkling of what we want to do, pursue it and end up doing some variation of it. Again, prioritizing the factors into the most and least important will help you discard some and concentrate on the most important to effectively resolve the situation, “What kind of work do I really want to do?”.
Being social animals the majority of us want a spouse and family and thus we have the situation: “Who is the best person for me and me for them?” The factors may include: pleasing your family, your self-image, your personality (people-oriented or task-oriented), where you work and play, your use of “dating sites”, men (finding someone like their mother), women (finding someone like their father), LGBTQ…(the same), etc. Again, prioritizing those factors into the most and least important can help you discard some of them, concentrate on the most important and effectively resolve the situation “Who is the best person for me?”—of course, “that bonding oxytocin feeling” helps a lot.
The above are just a few of the important decisions we need to prioritize to lead the best life possible, which should kick off your own important quests—and the method below can help.
A Useful Method for Prioritizing your Decisions:
The 9-step method below can be used to effectively remedy important situations (problems and goals). Use this method until you think you have the solution—then put it aside and get back to it a few days later, after you have had time to mull it over. You may not need all of the steps below, but going through them should assure you that your situation was effectively resolved.
1) Precisely state the situation that needs resolution—write it down or type it into a Word® file to make it easier to prioritize and re-prioritize the factors.
2) Below the situation, make a list of all of the main factors that cause the situation aqnd then a list of main factors to remedy the situation.
3) Prioritize each list with what you think is: 1st (the most important main factor), 2nd (the next most important main factor), etc. You may discover new factors to add and prioritize as you re-prioritize each list.
4) Review your prioritizing and determine which factors have sub-factors that need to be resolved before that main factor can be resolved (but don't overdo it).
5) Re-prioritize all the factors in 3) and 4) above.
6) Again as in step 4), review your re-prioritizing and add/prioritize any new factors not initially listed.
7) Rarely needed: repeat step 6) until all of your prioritizing is completed.
8) Look at the final solution and decide whether it sufficiently resolves the situation.
9) If resolvable, resolve the 1st main factor on the final listing, then the 2nd, etc., until the situation is resolved. If the situation cannot be resolved, consider another situation that can be.
EXAMPLE of this method for: “Buying a Needed Tx Chair”:
Situation: “I don’t have enough Tx chairs to treat my patients”
List of cause Factors:
My patient load has outgrown my ability to treat them within my present facility (a good cause)
I don’t have enough Tx chairs for the Tx days I work
List of remedy Factors:
Decide that you can work more Tx days
Decide that you can afford a new Tx chair/unit
Decide that you have enough space to fit the Tx chair/unit
Decide on the Tx chair/unit needed and where to buy it
Re-Prioritized the remedy factors if you can afford the Tx Chair and have enough space for it:
Decide that you won’t work more Tx days
Decide on the Tx chair/unit needed
Decide where to buy it and have it installed—Situation happily resolved
Re-Prioritized these factors and add new ones if you don’t have enough space for the Tx chair/unit:
Decide that you can’t work more Tx days
Decide that you do not have enough space to fit the Tx chair/unit
Decide on whether you can afford a construction loan to refurbish
If you can afford it, refurbish with an extra chair/unit—Situation happily resolved.
Re-Prioritized these factors and add new ones if you might be able to afford refurbishing:
Decide that you can’t work more Tx days
Decide that you need to refurbish for more space
Decide how much you need to increase your fees to help pay for that refurbishing
Decide on how much to refurbish and whether you can afford the construction loan—if not:
Decide on whether you can grow your practice enough to pay for that refurbishing
If you can grow your practice (and resolve all of the sub-factors involved with that growth), refurbish with the new Tx chair/unit—Situation happily resolved.
If you cannot grow your practice or afford to do any refurbishing or increase your fees—do without that Tx chair/unit and work more/longer Tx days—Situation unhappily resolved.
I hope that this discussion was helpful and that you can now make more effective decisions to resolve important situations and attain your goals.
Human Communication, Part-2, Speaking
Do you unwittingly avoid discussing certain subjects? Do you typically answer the question asked or the question you think you were asked? When an argument ensues, do you respond by accusing others of what they accuse you of? If so, maybe this pearl can help you to better communicate with others by having honest discussions instead of heated arguments.
Definitions: It helps to distinguish the difference between an argument and a discussion. A discussion is: “an earnest, rational conversation of a subject”, which can only proceed when we respond in an honest and direct manner. An argument is: “a heated verbal dialogue of conflicting points of view”, which usually involves anger, offensive statements and avoidance of uncomfortable topics.
A Personal Note: When I discuss a topic that involves humans I will always refer to them in terms of their genetic personality; that is my most valuable tool because it is consistent and gets to the heart of things instead of just spouting unsupported opinions. Refer to the attached PDF on "Genetic Human Personality" if you need to brush up on it.
Part-2 of this series on Human Communication deals with speaking, which includes stating our opinions and reacting to questions. When we rationally discuss a subject of mutual interest we give our opinions and we listen to others—but maybe not. A rational discussion can be fruitful or it can turn into an argument when there are strong differences of opinion—especially when emotions are triggered. Most discussions include asking and answering questions, but when the answer avoids the question it can be frustrating and turn into an argument.
You ask questions, whether it is part of a discussion or not, because you need information. If you ask a complete stranger you will get a more direct answer than if you asked someone who knows you well. That's because a stranger only knows what was asked and has no history with you. Someone who knows you well may assume why you asked the question and answer the why instead of the question asked. For example, you may ask your spouse, “Did you feed the pets?” and get the answer, “They don’t like that new canned food you got them.” which didn’t answer whether the pets were fed or are starving to death. Sometimes the question may trigger a problem in a relationship, for example, not having enough income when asked, “Did you pay that electric bill?” and get the answer “We need to use less air conditioning, the bills are very high.” which didn’t answer whether the bill was paid or whether your electricity will be shut off.
People digress/divert from the question asked for many reasons. Some digress when they don’t know the answer. For example, you may ask a friend who eats out a lot: “Do you know where that new French restaurant is downtown?” and get the answer, “I haven’t been downtown in weeks”, not having a clue as to where the restaurant is.
People may digress when they feel guilty about what is being asked of them. For example you may ask a friend who crashed his car and put his girlfriend in the hospital, “How is Sally doing?” and get the answer “It really wasn’t my fault, it was raining and very dark out there.” instead of indicating whether Sally is doing well or is dead.
People may digress when you bring up something negative, for example you may ask a friend who lost her job, “Did you get another job yet?” and get the answer “You know, it’s very hard to find my kind of work in this town.” instead of answering whether she got a job or is living out of her car.
Non-Direct Answers Can Cause Arguments:
Other than not providing the information desired, the major problem with not directly answering a question is that it can lead to frustration and an argument. It can start by asking a simple question such as in the examples above, not getting a direct answer and provoking an argument with the person who finds it difficult to answer the question. Our personality usually determines whether we will provoke an argument when seeking answers. Strong directors need a direct, decisive answer to get something done and may ask the question again, expressing anger and possibly starting an argument. Strong analyzers may need details to proceed and may ask similar questions to get a direct answer—or if not they usually drop the subject. Strong socializers may start a playful argument just to continue a conversation. Strong relators will avoid an argument by dropping the question they asked altogether with an “oh, never mind”. The bottom line is that strong directors don’t care if they start an argument and that strong analyzers, relators and even socializers would rather drop the subject once an argument ensues. Arguments will happen when we get angry, even when our anger emotion and director style are naturally weak. When conversing, we should avoid all levels of anger—anywhere from annoyance, frustration and irritation to anger, hatred and rage.
Rational discussions deteriorate into emotional arguments when neither side wants to listen to the other side’s point of view, but instead just vent. Arguments also arise when one person accusingly echoes back the same question/narrative. For example, person-1 may say “it really annoys me when you do that” and person-2 echoes back, “yea, but you do that too…” instead of taking responsibility for doing that, which would probably avoid an argument. This tit for tat is neither a discussion nor an argument; it is just a litany of accusations thrown back and forth; typically not germane to the discussion.
Similarly, you should literally walk away from a "straw-man argument" when someone refutes you with a diatribe of flagrantly false statements hyping their unrelated agenda and acting as if you were made of straw (like a scarecrow) who couldn’t possibly respond.
A topic can remain a discussion and not descend into an argument if you avoid expressing any level of anger, “step outside yourself” to appreciate the other person’s point of view, and respond directly and rationally no matter how diametrically opposed your opinions. Stepping outside yourself means just that; you totally ignore expressing or even thinking about your own opinions and attentively listen to the other person's opinions using your reator style. When you do, you will find that you share some of their opinions, which will create a basis for mutual respect and a more open dialogue.
I hope that these concepts of listening and speaking were helpful and that your future will embrace many more positive discussions than negative arguments. It also helps to always be aware of your own genetic personality strengths and weaknesses when conversing with others.
These concepts of human communication should be kept in mind when reading the next five-part series: “Dealing with Emotionally Distraught People”, which uses this "stepping outside yourself" technique to help calm down distraught people.
2023 New Year Practice Resolutions
Did you make realistic goals for your practice for 2023. Do you have a way of attaining your realistic 2023 practice goals. If not, maybe this pearl can help you set and attain those goals.
To set realistic goals for 2023 refer to the following pearl: http://www.thebioengineeringco.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=item&id=173&Itemid=766
If you’re the type that gets inspired at the start of a new year, bursting with hope and energy that it will be better than the previous year, then this pearl is for you. There isn’t anything that you can’t realistically attain if you truly want it and are willing to put forth the effort. That effort can be complicated (improving any of your 9 major management systems) or uncomplicated (improving any of their dozens of sub-systems). It all depends on what you want out of your practice management.
If you want to take on the worthwhile challenge of improving any of the 9 major systems (1-Team Organization, 2-Team Hiring, 3-Team Training, 4-Team Scheduling, 5-Tx Quality Control, 6-TC Programs, 7-Goal Attaining & Reporting, 8-Associate & Partners, and 9-Financial Control)—see the attached PDF and get started.
If you want to take on the lesser challenge of improving any of the 45 sub-systems of the 9 major management systems, see the attached PDF to get started. Simply choose the sub-system that you need and recreate it to fit your needs. You will probably find that cleaning up these sub-systems that you will automatically improve the level of sophistication of its major system. And once your overall level of practice management improves you’ll feel confident with your management abilities and want more.
You already have some version of the 9 major systems in place, but you might want to create a higher level of sophistication for better control. To do so you can simply analyze what you now have by referring to the attached PDF with a listing of these systems and how you may optimize your version of them.
1) Team Organization (part of the “Team Organization & Hiring Kit”)
2) Team Hiring (part of the “Team Organization & Hiring Kit”)
3) Team Training (use the “Team Member Training Kit”)
4) Team Scheduling (use the “Scheduling Design Kit”)
5) Tx Quality Control (part of the “Scheduling Design Kit”)
6) TC Programs (use the “New Pt. Experience, TC Kit”)
7) Goal Attaining & Reporting (use the “Goal-Attaining & Reporting Kit”)
8) Associate & Partner Transitions (use the “Associates/Partners Kit”)
9) Financial Control (part of the “Team Organization & Hiring Kit”)
You may also have some of the 45 sub-systems (which enhance the 9 major systems) in place, although you may not and could use them. If so, simply choose any of these 45 sub-systems to clean up that aspect of your practice. See the attached PDF for more information.
Don't forget to take advantage of your reduced-cost, immediately downloadable management kits. Use the coupon code: GOALS-2023 to receive your 50% discounts.
Click here to order your management kits:
http://www.thebioengineeringco.com/index.php?option=com_hikashop&ctrl=category&task=listing&cid=12&name=downloadable-kits&Itemid=733
Your Healthy Energy Coherence
Are you aware that your body is healthier when its electromagnetic energy is in balance than when it isn’t? Have you ever heard of energy coherence? Do you know that disease can unbalance your energy coherence? Do you even care? Maybe this pearl can help you find out how all of this might affect your health.
Definitions:
We are all animals—Definition: "an animal is a collections of organs that all work together to help the animal survive". The first animal was the sponge, which most of us have highly evolved from. But for an animal's organs to be healthy enough to survive it must maintain its energy coherence. Coherence is in general: “an orderly, logical and aesthetically consistent relation between all body organs”. Energy Coherence (E.C.) is: “when the electromagnetic fields that are emanating from these organs are in balance”. An Electromagnetic Field (E.F.) is: “the field of force associated with an electric charge in motion, having both electric and magnetic components and containing a defined amount of electromagnetic energy”.
The Sources of Electromagnetic Fields:
Every entity has an electromagnetic field; some are simple like atoms and some are complex like humans. Below is a description of how a simple entity can build up into a complex entity, each with its own unique electromagnetic field.
An electron has a unique E.F. that interacts with charged protons.
Every atom has a unique E.F. created by its specific arrangement of electrons, protons and neutrons. This E.F. dictates which atoms it can chemically bond with or not—sort of like a jigsaw puzzle; either the pieces fits or they don't.
Every compound (“a pure, macroscopically homogeneous substance consisting of atoms or ions of two or more different elements in definite proportions that cannot be separated by physical means”) has a unique E.F. that is the combined E.F. of its combined atoms.
Every mixture (“two or more separate substances that are not chemically combined with each other”) also has its own E.F. made up of the E.F. of its various compounds that all exist in a coherent balance.
Every cell (“the smallest structural unit of an organism that is capable of independent functioning, consisting of one or more nuclei, cytoplasm, and various organelles, all surrounded by a semipermeable cell membrane“) is made up of atoms, compounds and mixtures, each with its own E.F. that all exist in a coherent balance within themselves and also in balance with other cells.
Every organ (“a differentiated part of an organism that performs a specific function”) of every animal is made up of cells with their own combined E.F. that exist in a coherent balance within itself and with other organs.
Every organism (“an individual form of life like a human animal”) is made up of organs with their own combined E.F., which must exist in a complex coherent balance for the entire organism to be healthy. That organism’s E.F. also affects and is affected by other organisms' E.F.
The important fact to remember is that you actually do have many complex electromagnetic fields within your body, which can be used to determine your state of health.
Energy Coherence:
The brain organ has the strongest E.F. and the heart organ has the second strongest E.F. The seven body charkas (which include the brain and heart) each have a strong E.F. that interacts with every other cell in your body. But EVERY organ’s E.F. in a body has to be in balance with every other organ's E.F. for that organism to stay healthy.
There is something called “Energy Healing”, which is provided by a person emanating an electromagnetic field (usually from their hands) at a specific frequency (between 10-30 CPS) and intensity (not too strong and not too weak). That E.F. helps the healer heal another person’s weakened organ by strengthening its weakened E.F. and also helps the body attain a balanced energy coherence. James L. Oschman’s book: Energy Medicine, The Scientific Basis (2000), is an excellent source for this subject.
A healthy E.F. energy coherence is necessary to ward off disease. If an organ is diseased (for example, the pancreas with diabetes) it not only doesn’t perform its organic function, it’s diseased E.F. is out of balance with the E.F. of other organ and can possibly weaken them and their ability to properly function, causing a domino effect of disease and dysfunction. A diseased organ that is unable to perform its function is of course a much greater health issue than its weakened E.F., but a weakened organ’s E.F. can be detected, herald the onset of that disease and allow us to treat it before it manifests—and possibly after it manifests.
Every organ’s E.F. is telegraphed throughout the entire body to maintain its energy coherence. And each organ’s E.F. is telegraphed to a particular muscle, making it strong (if healthy) or weak (if unhealthy). This is why so-called “kinesiology” (muscle testing) can be used to detect a diseased organ even before its symptoms have manifested. Luckily, once an organ’s weakness is detected a “protomorphogen” can be taken to rebuild that organ, allow it to perform its organic function and strengthen its E.F., thereby contributing to the body’s energy coherence and overall health.
This pearl is a lead into next month’s pearl: “The Wonderful World of Protomorphogens”, which will give you insight into how you can halt an organ’s physical and electromagnetic decline and possibly repair it.
The Farces of the Universe: the Musical
Do you think that the universe is controlled by gravity? Do you believe that “the big bang”, “black holes”, “worm holes”, “dark matter” and parallel universes exist? Do you think that the sun (or any star) is a solid mass of thermonuclear fission? If so, you might find this pearl both interesting and enlightening—or maybe you will have a diametrical opinion.
The Farces of the universe, a Musical Alliteration:
Except for a 14.5 billion year old universe started by a Big Bang and employing black holes, dark matter, wormholes, parallel universes and thermonuclear stars, everything that you’ve ever heard about science and the universe is true.
There are many Neanderthals lurking in the muddled mist, ready to pounce on anything that may support their outrageous opinions. They assume (making an ass of u & me) that a fact is only what supports their outlandish opinions, and that if it doesn’t support them then they’re false facts. They have not only over this past period perverted political parley, they have surmised science-fiction to be science-fact, which they portray in their timeless thespian theatrics.
Take for example the centuries-long musical miscarriage, “Gravity Rules”, with its prolific program of prodigious playwrights ranging from Isaac Newton to Albert Einstein and beyond. “Gravity Rule's” musical mutants include (all sung to the tune of “525,600 minutes”): “Help me Dark Matter I am too weak on my own”; “There is never a Black Hole around when you need one”; and my personal favorite, “But my manipulated math is patent proof”. This comical concoction was recently upstaged by the science sensible symphonic, “Electromagnetism Rules” with its hit songs (also sung to the tune of “525,600 minutes”) “Ten to the 36th power stronger than Gravity” and “Plasma’s suffuse soup unifies the universe”—plus the mega-hit “The hollow Sun will collapse, tomorrow” (sung to the Annie tune “Tomorrow”).
A tuneless spin-off of that “Gravity Rules” fantasy flop, which has been running rampant for over half a century is “The Big Bang Theory” with its neverending array of asinine acts: Act-I: “The Big Bang Bomb”; Act-II: “Black Hole BS”; Act-III: “The Dark Matter Diversion”; Act-IV: “Parallel universes filled with Wormholes” (yuck); and, Act-V onward “More Moronics yet to come”. Yes, all of these flights of fancy do create box office billions for SiFi movies, books and the like, but it bankrupts scientific truth.
The conundrum is that we assume that the playwrights for all of this science fiction are actual physicist, when they are mere mathematicians and theoretical physicists using thoughts and numbers instead of scientific studies to stage their sham sonatas. Few if any of them are electrical engineers, which would make it easier for them to understand a universe controlled by complex, compelling electromagnetic forces. Instead, they adhere to simplistic, sickly gravitational forces to support their spurious supposition. Billions are invested every year to get these ditties in history's “top ten” list, only to fail with little return on their investments—yet, this thespian theater is still high box office for their numbered masses. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all of this gibberish were true? If so, we could create our own reality based on our own obstinate opinions and forget the facts no matter how adversely they affect us—we could assume that we could defy gravity and fly, enjoy the fascinating flight, but still have to deal with that sudden stop.
Moving onward:
Our one and only forever universe is controlled by electromagnetism, not gravity. And it is not 14.5 Billion years old; it’s at least 125 billion years old, which is how long it would take for stars to be created and combine into galaxies, and eventually combine into mega-galaxies—but back to the many forces and farces of of the universe.
Gravity helps keep everything from floating away into space and yes; solar systems have large masses (suns and planets) that are influenced by gravitational forces, because the distances between them are only millions of miles. And even galaxies can have a gravitational affect on each other, mainly because of their humongous masses, even though they are millions of light years apart.
A galaxy, unlike a solar system is held together by electromagnetic forces, not gravitational forces. For example, our flat rotating milky way galaxy can be thought of as a gigantic bicycle wheel with its hundreds of billions of stars secured to the spokes of that wheel. And as the wheel (galaxy) turns, the stars on the spokes move, but stay in place relative to each other. If the stars within a galaxy were held together by gravity their positions would change relative to each other as the galaxy rotates, just like the planets’ positions in our solar system change relative to each other as they rotate around the sun. Also some think that since we have a massive sun at the center of our solar system to hold it together that there must be a gigantic black hole in the center of our galaxy to hold it together. This is about as probable as a cowboy’s Milky Way Lasso holding our galaxy together.
The Structure of the Universe's Stars:
To fit in with the gravity theory, our solar system needs a massive sun to hold it together, which it does. But that sun is not a solid (like a golf ball), massive nuclear furnace with its center measuring millions of ºF. Fun fact; the sun is hollow (like a tennis ball), with its vacant center measuring only about 900 ºF. The sun’s true composition will become evident when the new NASA satellite probe examines it—although, much of this can be sermised through a telescope if you know what to look for. Being hollow and held together by electromagnetic forces, a star can collapse and become extremely small with an equal mass, held together by gravity. A simple example of this kind of collapse is when you deflate a fully inflated balloon and end up with a tiny balloon of equal weight (mass).
The best explanation of how the electromagnetic force runs the universe is the book by Donald E. Scott, The Electric Sky (2nd edition, 2012)—he writes well and is easy to understand. Another book by Wallace Thornhill and David Talbott, The Electric Universe (2002 & 2008) is similar, but harder to understand. The book that started it all is by Eric J. Lerner, The Big Bang Never Happened (1992), which is not an easy read. Lerner’s book is based on the original research and theories of the Nobel Prize winning physicist Hannes Alfven (1908 to 1995), a pioneer in the revolution to separate out science fact from science fiction.
I hope that this joyous journey from orthodontic forces and structures to universal forces and structures has entertained you and sufficiently stimulated you to further forage and appease an appetite for the delicious concepts presented here.
The Forces of the Universe
Are you aware of the three forces of the universe that control your everyday life? Are you aware that these forces have numerous variants? Do you even care? If so, you might find this pearl both interesting and enlightening.
This pearl and the next one on "What is Gravity" are a lead into the final pearl of this series that has to do with "The Farces of the Universe", which so-called scientists use to negate the forces noted below in order to get grants, notoriety, etc., by pushing those farces.
The many Forces of the Universe:
Real science has established that there are basically three types of forces in the universe: 1) Nuclear force; 2) Electromagnetic force; and, 3) Gravitational force. The nuclear force holds an atom’s nucleus together, the electromagnetic force holds atoms together and the gravitational force holds masses together. But these forces have their own variants.
Most people are aware of the strong nuclear force (SNF) between all protons and neutrons in an atom’s nucleus, but there are actually three nuclear forces at work over a distance of about 10 fm (fm = femtometer = 10-15 meters = a very short distance):
1) The strong attracting nuclear force between protons and neutrons in an atoms nucleus when they are between 1.0 fm and 10 fm apart—it keeps the atom’s nucleus from breaking apart.
2) The strong repelling nuclear force between protons and neutrons in an atom’s nucleus when they are less than 0.8 fm apart—it keeps them from clumping together.
3) The weak nuclear force, which over a distance of 0.001 fm (10-18 meters), binds the + charge to the neutron, making it a proton—to differentiate between neutral neutrons and positive protons.
Most people are aware of the electromagnetic force between – electrons and + protons, but to be accurate there are four electromagnetic forces at work:
1) The attracting electromagnetic force between + protons and – electrons in an atom or between atoms—which causes protons and electrons to combine into a neutral (no charge) state.
2) The repelling electromagnetic force between two or more + protons in an atom that keeps them apart—but this electromagnetic force is miniscule compared to the repelling strong nuclear force.
3) The repelling electromagnetic force between two or more – electrons—to keep them from clumping together and be free to move in conductors and in space.
4) The static electromagnetic Coulomb forces between + and – ions, between + and + ions, and between – and – ions at rest (not free to move)—atoms that have more protons than electrons are + ions and all electrons are – ions.
There is only an attracting gravitational force (GF) between masses (like between us and the earth or between planets and their stars, etc.). Many assume that this attracting force holds the universe together, but gravity is an extremely weak force compared to the nuclear and electromagnetic forces, for example:
1) The attractive electromagnetic force is 1036 (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) times stronger than the gravitational force.
2) The attractive strong nuclear force is 103 (1,000 times) times stronger than the electromagnetic force and thus, 1039 (1 with 39 zeros after it) times stronger than the gravitational force.
In order to explain where the GF comes from some "genious" concocted nonexistent “gravitons”. Unfortunately, this is part of the popular SiFi mentality that invents fictitious entities to explain what they can’t explain scientifically, mostly because they're not scientists. I have theorized a simple, more probable explanation of what creates the GF, which will be in the next pearl "What is Gravity"
The next pearl in this 4-part series about time and the forces of the universe we will explore, “hat is Gravity”.
Our Varing Preception of TimeDoes time seem to fly by, move slowly or move just right—or all of these variations? Actually, time doesn’t change, but our perception of it does and that can affect our lives—maybe this pearl can give some insight as to why.
It seems that when we are young time moves very slowly and we can’t wait to be older. As we become seniors, time moves very quickly and we yearn to be younger. For comic relief on this subject you might enjoy the late George Carlin’s pleasant take on our perception of time as we age (he lived to be 102). Go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5s6FLjdZNc
Our perceptions of time vary throughout the day, whether at work, home or play. Time progresses slowly when we are anticipating an exciting future event and time progress faster the busier we are. This applies whether we have a weak or strong work ethic (preferring to be busy with tasks). Our busyness is what we typically think about in the progression of time, but this is not what this pearl is about.
Definitions:
First, the definition of an interval is: “the amount of time between two specified instants, events, or states”.
Using this definition of interval, the definition of time, which is quite long and complicated, can be reduced to: “the interval between events in our lives”, whether in seconds, days or years. Time progresses equally for everybody, but as we age (especially as seniors) there is a noticeable decrease in the interval between events, making the events move by faster, sometimes dangerously fast. The antithesis of this is when time moves much slower, making the interval between events seem interminable.
Our final definition is perception (perceiving), which is: “to become aware of, directly through the senses, especially sight or hearing”. But our senses can deceive us, especially when we are not consciously aware of our surroundings, like when we are sleepy or concentrating on something like a task, book, movie, etc.
When our Perception of Time Slows Down: The catalyst for this phenomenon is the level of the neurotransmitter “norepinephrine” (also called “noradrenalin”) in the brain. The more norepinephrine in the brain the faster it processes its sensory input by making those neurons fire faster than normal. This lengthens the perceived interval between events, thus making the events seem to move by slower. A physical example might help: our oscillating eyes provide our visual cortex with a new scan every 50 ms (milliseconds) or about 20 scans per second. When our brain has its normal level of norepinephrine it processes those 20 scans every second. But if the brain’s norepinephrine level doubles it can double the brains processing speed, processing those 20 scans in only say, half a second. This makes the perceived interval between scans seem twice as long (from two processings instead of one, when we are use to just one) and thus things move half as fast. This is similar to filming a slow-motion movie segment—the high-speed camera takes twice as many pictures per second, but when played back they move at half the speed—in slow motion.
Norepinephrine is associated with the fear emotion and the more terrifying the situation the higher the level of norepinephrine in the brain and the longer the perceived interval between events creating a perceived slowing of time. Most of us have experienced this slow-motion phenomenon—I have numerous times. One day in the botanical gardens I observed my 4-year-old daughter from a distance tumbling down a flight of wide stone steps towards a deep pond. The terror I sensed made my brain process that event much faster, perceiving her tumbling down each step in slow motion—it seemed to never end—I was too paralyzed to even move. Luckily, she didn’t end up in the water and wasn’t too badly bruised, but very upset.
When our Perception of Time Speeds Up:
Research indicates that the older we get the lower our brain’s level of norepinephrine, making the brain process sensory input slower, shortening our perception of the interval of time between events, thus making them move by faster. For example, when younger we can lay awake in bed for minutes before falling asleep and an 8-hour night’s sleep can be attained in about eight hours. As seniors those minutes can turn into hours before falling asleep, but we still think it was only minutes (unless we glance at a clock). This is why we can spend eight or ten hours in bed and get only six or seven hours of actual sleep. Driving a car is a better example of time speeding up by the shortening the perceived interval between events due to lower norepinephrine levels.
While driving for decades we tend to glance around at things and then look forward, instinctively knowing how much time has passed. While driving at a constant speed we know that a car that is 100 feet in front of us when we glance away will still be 100 feet away when we look forward again. This is not the case as we age. The perceived interval between events gets shorter making time move faster and thus, the car that was 100 feet away when we glanced away will only be about 50 feet away when we look forward again. We seem to get this same affect when driving under the influence or suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
The point is that if we are not aware of this phenomenon we may end up dangerously close to the cars in front of us or more likely, drift out of our driving lane into cars in adjoining lanes or off of the road entirely. This realization creeps up on us as we age, until we become aware that it is dangerous to glance sideways for too long without making a conscious effort to quickly look forward again before we get into trouble. If not yet aware of this phenomenon, it is something to keep in mind to be safe. And if you or a family driver is up there in age, it may be best for the driver to keep twice the usual distance between your car and the ones in front of you and try to hold the stearing wheel in place.
But, Moving Onward:
Another consideration in the shortening of time is Albert Einstein’s “Special Theory of Relativity”, but since we don’t usually drive near the speed of light it need not be considered in this discussion. But it does provide us with a segue to the next two pearls in this 3-part series about time, matter and the forces of nature.
If one seeks, they will find parallels between astrophysics and orthodontics. Besides having four syllables each, they both deal with space-time (the time it takes to close spaces), accelerating masses (moving teeth through bone) and, the forces of nature (light wire forces and gravity or strong RPE forces and nuclear or electromagnetic forces). Since orthodontists are essentially scientists, I figured that a brief vacation from the forces of orthodontics to the forces of nature and the cosmos might be refreshing. I hope that you think so too! |
